Here's to you Mr. Spandex Leg Shaver Register But Never Finish Bike Racer!
Wednesday, 21 May 2008
Words spoken from a true champion.
The 7-time Tour de France Champion.
Rumor has it Devin taped this quote to his handlebar and was heard repeating this quote over and over again as he grunted and cried to the finish.
Sunday, 18 May 2008
I took my son to the race in Lakewood to watch what I was sure would be another opportunity for me me to point out a failure in racing. Instead I got sunburned, chased after Liam yelling "put down that cone" and "look out for the racers", and was introduced to the hell that is watching a 50 mile 3 lap race. So that was nice.
Liam loved it because he was able to chuck rocks, play with various bugs, and watch the kids race their version of the Tour de France sans steroids. Well I suspected this burley 7' three year old of being on something until his father assured me it was the results of a completely legal protein powder from GNC.
They took off. I nearly missed this due to my aforementioned son and his penchant for chucking stones. 45 minutes or so later Devin came riding by looking like someone pissed in his protein shake (no, a different protein shake... have you even seen Devin?). Turns out he was just overheating.
They kept going. About another 45 minutes later half of the racers were already past and no sign of Devin. I had shared a delicious BBQ chicken sandwich with Liam and was feeling rather like leaving to take a nap. (We had seen 3 races finish in the time it took these "grown-ups" to complete one lap. Should be paying the kids to ride especially Jr. Hefty von Proteinpowder.) We started walking toward the hill down to the car. We had to cross part of the race trail but before could get there, Devin decided to thwart our escape by tossing his nearly empty water bottle at us as he rode by. (Where did he even come from?) Liam made it his personal mission to hand the container back to Devin. Guess we are staying put.
And on and on they raced. Could this be Devin? Nope, too fast. This one? Nope, too old. Ahhh... no. Too feminine. Too feminine??? That doesn't sound like me. How about too masculine... and it was a girl. Perfect. Anyway, just as I thought we were going to be treated to another classic DNF, I saw a bike begin it's slow motion decent (much like Chariot's of Fire without the horses) towards the rocky turn that had claimed so many racers that afternoon. I saw a figure pushing himself to the limits much like Cher's attempt to be a man. Like Corky from Life Goes On I saw the face of an angel... with Down's Syndrome. I saw no sign of my son, where the duce did he get off to... oh, "hey get back over here. You scare the hell out of me when you take off like that." I looked to again see Devin. This time he was coming around that perilous corner for he last 150' of trail. Why is his shirt open? He crossed the finish line smiling to my son and I with a look of triumph in his surely hung-over, bleary, Irish eyes.
He had done it. Despite the odds stacked against him by there being a race. Despite the evidence of the mobs of fans along the trail (why else would his shirt be half off?). Despite this blog, Devin had overcome his fear of finishing a race to come in some place between #1 and # last! Better luck next time, Devin.
Thursday, 15 May 2008
Devin has confirmed he is registered for this local race in Lakewood, CO. The pressure is on and Devin looks good to get another DNF of the season. Based on his training he looks to crash his bike about a mile from the finish. That is the game plan but you never know a bear could pop out on the trail and scratch him causing him to DNF. Maybe a spectator yells too loud and scares him causing him to stop racing fearing the same loud cheering the next lap around. No one really knows what's going to happen but it is sure to be an exciting DNF'er for Devin. Stay tuned for the latest and greatest news on Devin: The DNF'er.
Sunday, 11 May 2008
I was reading an amazing story about a man in
I learned a few things reading this article:
1) Cats suck.
2) Hunting them is vital to our survival.
3) Hippyism (the act or practice of being a dirty hippie) began in
4) The people of
5) Had Devin been the guy hunting these killer cats, we might all now be ruled by a race of savage, man-eating, giant tigers!
Friday, 9 May 2008
That is the million dollar question and the only question that matters to those of us who have a deep following of our fellow friend Mr. Devin Does Not Finish. Check back for more results or not.