Here's to you Mr. Spandex Leg Shaver Register But Never Finish Bike Racer!

A Blog devoted to Devin's dream of finishing bike races.  In the DNF category Devin is always a winner.  Devin Now Finishes or Devin Never Finishes. DNF.

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

The Real Motivation Behind Devin's Amazing Victory......FINISHING

Words spoken from a true champion.
The 7-time Tour de France Champion.
Rumor has it Devin taped this quote to his handlebar and was heard repeating this quote over and over again as he grunted and cried to the finish.

Sunday, 18 May 2008

In A World Of Uncertainty

In the beginning the earth was void of anything even remotely resembling the bike. Then on a cloudy, sunny, warm-cool day Baron Karl von Drais decided to change everything and give unto the world personal transportation. And just like that flimsy contraption did for mankind, the dandy horse known to us as Devin introduced me to pain and misery on Saturday.
I took my son to the race in Lakewood to watch what I was sure would be another opportunity for me me to point out a failure in racing. Instead I got sunburned, chased after Liam yelling "put down that cone" and "look out for the racers", and was introduced to the hell that is watching a 50 mile 3 lap race. So that was nice.
Liam loved it because he was able to chuck rocks, play with various bugs, and watch the kids race their version of the Tour de France sans steroids. Well I suspected this burley 7' three year old of being on something until his father assured me it was the results of a completely legal protein powder from GNC.

Devin's Race-
Lap 1:
They took off. I nearly missed this due to my aforementioned son and his penchant for chucking stones. 45 minutes or so later Devin came riding by looking like someone pissed in his protein shake (no, a different protein shake... have you even seen Devin?). Turns out he was just overheating.
Lap 2:
They kept going. About another 45 minutes later half of the racers were already past and no sign of Devin. I had shared a delicious BBQ chicken sandwich with Liam and was feeling rather like leaving to take a nap. (We had seen 3 races finish in the time it took these "grown-ups" to complete one lap. Should be paying the kids to ride especially Jr. Hefty von Proteinpowder.) We started walking toward the hill down to the car. We had to cross part of the race trail but before could get there, Devin decided to thwart our escape by tossing his nearly empty water bottle at us as he rode by. (Where did he even come from?) Liam made it his personal mission to hand the container back to Devin. Guess we are staying put.
Lap 3:
And on and on they raced. Could this be Devin? Nope, too fast. This one? Nope, too old. Ahhh... no. Too feminine. Too feminine??? That doesn't sound like me. How about too masculine... and it was a girl. Perfect. Anyway, just as I thought we were going to be treated to another classic DNF, I saw a bike begin it's slow motion decent (much like Chariot's of Fire without the horses) towards the rocky turn that had claimed so many racers that afternoon. I saw a figure pushing himself to the limits much like Cher's attempt to be a man. Like Corky from Life Goes On I saw the face of an angel... with Down's Syndrome. I saw no sign of my son, where the duce did he get off to... oh, "hey get back over here. You scare the hell out of me when you take off like that." I looked to again see Devin. This time he was coming around that perilous corner for he last 150' of trail. Why is his shirt open? He crossed the finish line smiling to my son and I with a look of triumph in his surely hung-over, bleary, Irish eyes.
He had done it. Despite the odds stacked against him by there being a race. Despite the evidence of the mobs of fans along the trail (why else would his shirt be half off?). Despite this blog, Devin had overcome his fear of finishing a race to come in some place between #1 and # last! Better luck next time, Devin.

Thursday, 15 May 2008

2008 Battle The Bear XC Mt. Bike Race. Game On!!!

Devin has confirmed he is registered for this local race in Lakewood, CO. The pressure is on and Devin looks good to get another DNF of the season. Based on his training he looks to crash his bike about a mile from the finish. That is the game plan but you never know a bear could pop out on the trail and scratch him causing him to DNF. Maybe a spectator yells too loud and scares him causing him to stop racing fearing the same loud cheering the next lap around. No one really knows what's going to happen but it is sure to be an exciting DNF'er for Devin. Stay tuned for the latest and greatest news on Devin: The DNF'er.

Sunday, 11 May 2008

Damn Interesting Indeed

I was reading an amazing story about a man in India who spent most of his life hunting man-eaters. He killed half a dozen big cats who were collectively credited with over 1500 deaths. The amazing part for me was his ability to hunt these ferocious felines and yet have such a profound respect for their nature. He held the stance that 9 times out of 10 the reason they turned man-eater was due to injury. An example given was that the Champawat Tiger which claimed around 434 men. This Tigress began her anti-human campaign in Nepal where 200 fell to her teeth. After the ARMY drove her out of the country she migrated to India where she made meat of 234 or so locals. After Jim Corbett killed the she-devil with what could be described as a 1 in a million chance, he discovered that years previous the tiger had been shot in the mouth and it's teeth were so torn up that eating a normal diet was impossible. It had no choice other than to eat soft human flesh to survive. Jim eventually stopped hunting big game and devoted his time to conservation and environmental awareness. India renamed her first national park after him and there is even a tiger secondarily named after him called the Panthera tigris corbetti or Corbett's Tiger.
I learned a few things reading this article:

1) Cats suck.
2) Hunting them is vital to our survival.
3) Hippyism (the act or practice of being a dirty hippie) began in
4) The people of
relied way too much on their Army and should have been a little more proactive in getting rid of that damn killing machine.
5) Had Devin been the guy hunting these killer cats, we might all now be ruled by a race of savage, man-eating, giant tigers!

Friday, 9 May 2008

1st of many blogs to capture the 2008 DNF highlights

Will he finish?
That is the million dollar question and the only question that matters to those of us who have a deep following of our fellow friend Mr. Devin Does Not Finish. Check back for more results or not.