Here's to you Mr. Spandex Leg Shaver Register But Never Finish Bike Racer!

A Blog devoted to Devin's dream of finishing bike races.  In the DNF category Devin is always a winner.  Devin Now Finishes or Devin Never Finishes. DNF.

Thursday, 26 June 2008

Fun Facts About Cycling

NOTE: These are facts and anyone doubting that is anti-American or communist or factual or something equally as distasteful!

1) Modern Cycling began in 1991 with the rise of the grunge movement out of Seattle.
2) Early bicycles were powered by small
weasel-fed engines.
3) For health reasons, it is recommended you either where a cup or have your testicles removed prior to riding a bicycle.
4) Road bike tires were originally made from whale sphincters.
5) Mountain bike tires were originally made from hippie hair (though everyone thought that was really nasty).
6) The Tour de France was actually named for Colonel Francis "Tour de France" Williamson and not for the country in which it is supposedly held. That country was actually named for the colonel as well because, and I quote, "he was such a cool guy" and Stinkymeanpeoplesburg was too long.

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Seriously Folks...

it is Bike To Work Day, not our liberation from British rule. Let's not be so deliberate in our accusations of who biked to work and who didn't even try (namely me). That said, I found out from sources close to the situation that the coordinator of this years already scandalized BTWD may have indeed been less than forthcoming with the faithful few who count on him for guidance. Evidently Devin himself thought today was the warm up (and less than popular) Bike Halfway to Work Day and Then Give Up and Get A Ride the Rest of the Way With a Travelling Bible Salesman and His Wife Who Are Originally From Oregon (but business has been terrible there so they had to take to the road in order to make a good hard-earned honest man's living) Day or BHWDTGUGARRWWTBSHWWAOO(bbhbttsthttttriotmagh-ehml)D as it is called by the founders.

OK, this is the dumbest thing ever. Who handed this to me? WTF, people? We are trying to run a respectible slander site. What is this rubbish, what are we??? Amatures? You are pathetic! This is what I get for not reading what is handed me before I write it down in a blog.

And shame on you, Devin. Read a calendar every once in a while.

And the winner is...

Everyone who got to witness Devin turning red while finding out that the grand prize winner for biking in the longest distance (Brian G.) never biked into work. It was great. Brian was defensive, Devin was defensive... I was crying because I found the whole sceen too funny. Oh, no I didn't bike in to work today either in case you wondered. I never planned on it because I have a problem with the "establishment" telling the "people" when to ride their bikes or when to have a birthday or when to celebrate Christmas. WHATEVER!
Sorry about that. So it turns out there will be a new grand prize winner for Bike to Work Day. No doubt they will have a totally awesome prize like a strobe headlight or platinum rims for their bike or something of that most useful nature.

What I learned today is that if you F with the coordinator of a Bike to Work Day, you had better be prepared to get run the F over if you get caught. This is no joking matter... evidently... for some reason.

Monday, 16 June 2008

Dear Diary...

6/16/2008 - Looking back at what has been happening, I have to say that certain things have impressed me greatly. Let's evaluate the numbers.

2 - The number of races Devin has completed this month. He has actually reached down and evaluated his manhood and deemed it acceptable to act like a cyclist.

4 - The number of finishes Devin has overall this season. This number is 2 more than a normal season causing Devin to actually consider running for office with the ACA. Keep it in your pants, Devin... it is just a couple races.

6 - The number of races Devin has started this season. This number looks rather awful until you pair it with the previous number af races he has finished.

8 - The number of times Devin begged me to write something nice about him.

9 - The number of times Devin threatened me to write something nice about him.

Devin is becoming a cyclist.