Here's to you Mr. Spandex Leg Shaver Register But Never Finish Bike Racer!

A Blog devoted to Devin's dream of finishing bike races.  In the DNF category Devin is always a winner.  Devin Now Finishes or Devin Never Finishes. DNF.

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Friday, 14 November 2008

I don't care how cool it looks, I would not want to be a member of THAT group!

Quite a dunk : A member of the Milwaukee Bucks "Rim Rockers" ...
Quite a dunk : A member of the
Milwaukee Bucks "Rim Rockers" goes airborne for an acrobatic slam dunk
to entertain fans during a break in the action against the Golden State
Warriors at an NBA pre-season exhibition game in Beijing at the Beijing
Basketball Arena. (AFP/Frederic J. Brown)

Devin is this another one of your "rallys"?

The Italian air force acrobatic team, "Frecce Tricolori" ...

There has been some concern with the direction of the blog...

I am here to encourage our reader (I am talking to you Brian) that we will get back on the topic or our favorite cycling phenom as soon as he does... well, anything.   Since he has been off racing all year we have had very little to write about other than comments on some killer pictures (my favorite is still the convict in the cow suit).   If anyone has anything of interest on biker boy, please send us information.   We have been dying to ruin his reputation a little more (still assuming of course that there is much of a rep left to tarnish).   So the point is, please don't worry, DevinDNF was created for a reason and we will get back to it as soon as Devin gets off his ass and does something of note.   Until then, please come back and read up on all the other screwed up things rattling around in our tortured brains.

And no, Devin, pooping on the steps of the capitol building in protest of dirty coal production is not off limits.   That would fit great in this blog so shit away.

Hugs and Kisses,
Fidel Castro

Why's it gotta be white?

President-elect Barack Obama and Baby.  (PRNewsFoto/CBH Communications) ...

Seriously though, he should have had a Bull Terrier or something, not a fru fru fucking whateverthehell.

I MUST have been runner up.

Brazil's Melanie Nunes Fronckowiak (R) and France's ...
Brazil's Melanie Nunes Fronckowiak (R) and France's Saiba Bombote (L)
pose after they won the female and male final of the "most beautiful
bottom in the world" competition in Paris November 12, 2008. Some 45
finalists from 26 different countries took part in the competition to
win a modelling contract and 15,000 euros prize money.

Saturday, 8 November 2008

Best Bud Light Commercial Ever?

Bud Light® Elevator Ride

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

Holy Cow... I Mean, Holy Shit!

This undated mug shot released by the Middletown, Ohio, police ...
This undated mug shot released by the Middletown, Ohio, police department shows Michelle Allen, 32. Allen was arrested Sept. 27, 2008 after she allegedly impeded traffic,
urinated on a neighbor's porch and chased children while wearing a cow suit, according to a Middletown police report.

(AP Photo/Middletown Ohio Police department via Dayton Daily News)

Monday, 6 October 2008

Fueling our need

I can't get the whole chart on here so click on it and you can view the article. I found it rather interesting to tell you the truth.

Saturday, 27 September 2008

Friday, 19 September 2008

Devin ain't got NOTHIN on David Hasselhoff

David Hasselhoff - Hooked on a Feeling

Somehow the cheesy smile looks genuine.

Your friendly neighborhood blogger in action. The glasses really make the man, don't you agree?

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Devin's new hobby

He has given up on cyclocross but not completely. He still enjoys getting out there and taking photos of his fellow would-be competitors. Below is a picture of Devin in action.

-Picture taken by one of Devin's teammates who also sucks at cyclocross

Saturday, 30 August 2008

Thursday, 28 August 2008

Sit and spin, Barak!

U.S. Sen Hillary Clinton (D-NY) addresses the Emilys list luncheon ...

Hilary shows her support in the only way she knows how.

Friday, 22 August 2008

Well, I DO love animals...

Members of People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) take ...
Members of People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) take
part in a protest against the use of bear skin to make hats for the
British Royal Guard, in front of the British embassy in Belgrade July 31, 2008.

REUTERS/Djordje Kojadinovic (SERBIA)

OK, I love the picture and that really is the reason I started to consider this picture for a posting. Butt then I noticed how the protester in the background is WEARING A HAT THEY ARE PROTESTING AGAINST!!! So, in summary, I love this picture.

Why Greco-Roman wrestling gets little if any airtime.

Jake Deitchler of the U.S. (in red) fights Armen Vardanyan of ...

The Olympics really brings out the best in all of us.

Michael Phelps 100M Butterfly Victory!!!

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

Well at least this is related to biking.

Evidently other countries have a different perspective on cycling. Devin signed up for it which is where he is right now. He was seen sporting a very fabulous neon pink wig with yellow stilettos and a super skin tight mini skirt. This entry actually took me over an hour to write as I had to stop frequently for puke breaks. Anyway, here is the article...

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Every once in a while something special happens at the games...

And this year is no exception. I know this is a blog to point out the failures of others, but it would be an absolute tragedy not to point out the beautiful things in the Olympics. Everything from the opening ceremony to the visual stimulation of the bird's nest and water cube. That said, those things are hideous mutations, monstrosities and should be banned for their disgusting appearance in comparison to one javelin thrower from Paraguay. I don't know where Paraguay is, I don't know what they eat, I don't even know if they speak English... I sure want to know what is in the water though. Wow.

That's hot, I don't care who you are. Man, I love the javelin.

Friday, 15 August 2008

Do these nipples make me look horny?

Ivan Stevic making it hot at the Cascade Classic

2008 saw the
introduction of the worlds first full frontal ventilation cycling jersey. As penance, the designer flung himself into a row of cacti in shame.

Watch out for the cactus!

Thursday, 14 August 2008

Straight talk from a true champion

There has been a lot of bickering behind the scenes these days between the Mark and Devin about who is the biggest champion at not finishing a race. All I have to say is "I wish one of y'all had children so's I could kick them in their f-ing head or stomp on their testicles for you can feel my pain." Truly inspirational words from a great man. Take note, gentlemen. I want to see less arguing and more testicle stomping.

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

Devin, the President saw your last race and wanted to let you know you did a good job...

President George Bush (C), first lady Laura Bush (L) and their ...

Aww, he is cute without his helmet and protective goggles.

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

Tuesday, 22 July 2008

You've Got environMENTAL Problems, Man.

So this is hot, right? An old dude riding a quadricycle over some stones. Pedalling for the environment. Yeah, that is awesome. I found Devin's new ride and it is amazing. Built in AC, quiet ride, good clearance, no floor... all the necessities. I love the picture of the dude flying down the road. Isn't photoshop great?

Cat shit coffee duhduhduh, cat shit coffee, duhduhduhduh

So it turns out possibly the nastiest coffee on earth is Kopi Luwak and it is Indonesian. It is rare and expensive because it has to be hand "harvested" from the crap of the civet cat. Wow, I have made some stuff up before but never like this. It is just one more reason to hate cats. They hold our good coffee for ransom in their intestines and don't even have the good graces to drop it in a grinder! Seriously, what's next? We have to get our creamer straight from the cows teet? I think the only thing worse than this is um uh, NOTHING!!! Nothing is worse than drinking cat shit coffee! Not even Devin's racing.

Monday, 14 July 2008

A turning of the tides???

In an unprecedented turn of events, Devin raced and finished this past weekend and our very own M. Agcaoili was beaten out by a 109 year old racer. Mr. A finished 15th out of 90+ racers on Sunday and felt rather like dancing until he looked at the leader board and realized his grandfather had just beaten him soundly. It was Mr. A's first completed cat 2 race since making the switch. Devin, on the other hand, finished 29th out of 50+ racers but overall had a better day because nobody ahead of him knew George Washington personally.

Thursday, 26 June 2008

Fun Facts About Cycling

NOTE: These are facts and anyone doubting that is anti-American or communist or factual or something equally as distasteful!

1) Modern Cycling began in 1991 with the rise of the grunge movement out of Seattle.
2) Early bicycles were powered by small
weasel-fed engines.
3) For health reasons, it is recommended you either where a cup or have your testicles removed prior to riding a bicycle.
4) Road bike tires were originally made from whale sphincters.
5) Mountain bike tires were originally made from hippie hair (though everyone thought that was really nasty).
6) The Tour de France was actually named for Colonel Francis "Tour de France" Williamson and not for the country in which it is supposedly held. That country was actually named for the colonel as well because, and I quote, "he was such a cool guy" and Stinkymeanpeoplesburg was too long.

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Seriously Folks...

it is Bike To Work Day, not our liberation from British rule. Let's not be so deliberate in our accusations of who biked to work and who didn't even try (namely me). That said, I found out from sources close to the situation that the coordinator of this years already scandalized BTWD may have indeed been less than forthcoming with the faithful few who count on him for guidance. Evidently Devin himself thought today was the warm up (and less than popular) Bike Halfway to Work Day and Then Give Up and Get A Ride the Rest of the Way With a Travelling Bible Salesman and His Wife Who Are Originally From Oregon (but business has been terrible there so they had to take to the road in order to make a good hard-earned honest man's living) Day or BHWDTGUGARRWWTBSHWWAOO(bbhbttsthttttriotmagh-ehml)D as it is called by the founders.

OK, this is the dumbest thing ever. Who handed this to me? WTF, people? We are trying to run a respectible slander site. What is this rubbish, what are we??? Amatures? You are pathetic! This is what I get for not reading what is handed me before I write it down in a blog.

And shame on you, Devin. Read a calendar every once in a while.

And the winner is...

Everyone who got to witness Devin turning red while finding out that the grand prize winner for biking in the longest distance (Brian G.) never biked into work. It was great. Brian was defensive, Devin was defensive... I was crying because I found the whole sceen too funny. Oh, no I didn't bike in to work today either in case you wondered. I never planned on it because I have a problem with the "establishment" telling the "people" when to ride their bikes or when to have a birthday or when to celebrate Christmas. WHATEVER!
Sorry about that. So it turns out there will be a new grand prize winner for Bike to Work Day. No doubt they will have a totally awesome prize like a strobe headlight or platinum rims for their bike or something of that most useful nature.

What I learned today is that if you F with the coordinator of a Bike to Work Day, you had better be prepared to get run the F over if you get caught. This is no joking matter... evidently... for some reason.

Monday, 16 June 2008

Dear Diary...

6/16/2008 - Looking back at what has been happening, I have to say that certain things have impressed me greatly. Let's evaluate the numbers.

2 - The number of races Devin has completed this month. He has actually reached down and evaluated his manhood and deemed it acceptable to act like a cyclist.

4 - The number of finishes Devin has overall this season. This number is 2 more than a normal season causing Devin to actually consider running for office with the ACA. Keep it in your pants, Devin... it is just a couple races.

6 - The number of races Devin has started this season. This number looks rather awful until you pair it with the previous number af races he has finished.

8 - The number of times Devin begged me to write something nice about him.

9 - The number of times Devin threatened me to write something nice about him.

Devin is becoming a cyclist.

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

The Real Motivation Behind Devin's Amazing Victory......FINISHING

Words spoken from a true champion.
The 7-time Tour de France Champion.
Rumor has it Devin taped this quote to his handlebar and was heard repeating this quote over and over again as he grunted and cried to the finish.

Sunday, 18 May 2008

In A World Of Uncertainty

In the beginning the earth was void of anything even remotely resembling the bike. Then on a cloudy, sunny, warm-cool day Baron Karl von Drais decided to change everything and give unto the world personal transportation. And just like that flimsy contraption did for mankind, the dandy horse known to us as Devin introduced me to pain and misery on Saturday.
I took my son to the race in Lakewood to watch what I was sure would be another opportunity for me me to point out a failure in racing. Instead I got sunburned, chased after Liam yelling "put down that cone" and "look out for the racers", and was introduced to the hell that is watching a 50 mile 3 lap race. So that was nice.
Liam loved it because he was able to chuck rocks, play with various bugs, and watch the kids race their version of the Tour de France sans steroids. Well I suspected this burley 7' three year old of being on something until his father assured me it was the results of a completely legal protein powder from GNC.

Devin's Race-
Lap 1:
They took off. I nearly missed this due to my aforementioned son and his penchant for chucking stones. 45 minutes or so later Devin came riding by looking like someone pissed in his protein shake (no, a different protein shake... have you even seen Devin?). Turns out he was just overheating.
Lap 2:
They kept going. About another 45 minutes later half of the racers were already past and no sign of Devin. I had shared a delicious BBQ chicken sandwich with Liam and was feeling rather like leaving to take a nap. (We had seen 3 races finish in the time it took these "grown-ups" to complete one lap. Should be paying the kids to ride especially Jr. Hefty von Proteinpowder.) We started walking toward the hill down to the car. We had to cross part of the race trail but before could get there, Devin decided to thwart our escape by tossing his nearly empty water bottle at us as he rode by. (Where did he even come from?) Liam made it his personal mission to hand the container back to Devin. Guess we are staying put.
Lap 3:
And on and on they raced. Could this be Devin? Nope, too fast. This one? Nope, too old. Ahhh... no. Too feminine. Too feminine??? That doesn't sound like me. How about too masculine... and it was a girl. Perfect. Anyway, just as I thought we were going to be treated to another classic DNF, I saw a bike begin it's slow motion decent (much like Chariot's of Fire without the horses) towards the rocky turn that had claimed so many racers that afternoon. I saw a figure pushing himself to the limits much like Cher's attempt to be a man. Like Corky from Life Goes On I saw the face of an angel... with Down's Syndrome. I saw no sign of my son, where the duce did he get off to... oh, "hey get back over here. You scare the hell out of me when you take off like that." I looked to again see Devin. This time he was coming around that perilous corner for he last 150' of trail. Why is his shirt open? He crossed the finish line smiling to my son and I with a look of triumph in his surely hung-over, bleary, Irish eyes.
He had done it. Despite the odds stacked against him by there being a race. Despite the evidence of the mobs of fans along the trail (why else would his shirt be half off?). Despite this blog, Devin had overcome his fear of finishing a race to come in some place between #1 and # last! Better luck next time, Devin.

Thursday, 15 May 2008

2008 Battle The Bear XC Mt. Bike Race. Game On!!!

Devin has confirmed he is registered for this local race in Lakewood, CO. The pressure is on and Devin looks good to get another DNF of the season. Based on his training he looks to crash his bike about a mile from the finish. That is the game plan but you never know a bear could pop out on the trail and scratch him causing him to DNF. Maybe a spectator yells too loud and scares him causing him to stop racing fearing the same loud cheering the next lap around. No one really knows what's going to happen but it is sure to be an exciting DNF'er for Devin. Stay tuned for the latest and greatest news on Devin: The DNF'er.

Sunday, 11 May 2008

Damn Interesting Indeed

I was reading an amazing story about a man in India who spent most of his life hunting man-eaters. He killed half a dozen big cats who were collectively credited with over 1500 deaths. The amazing part for me was his ability to hunt these ferocious felines and yet have such a profound respect for their nature. He held the stance that 9 times out of 10 the reason they turned man-eater was due to injury. An example given was that the Champawat Tiger which claimed around 434 men. This Tigress began her anti-human campaign in Nepal where 200 fell to her teeth. After the ARMY drove her out of the country she migrated to India where she made meat of 234 or so locals. After Jim Corbett killed the she-devil with what could be described as a 1 in a million chance, he discovered that years previous the tiger had been shot in the mouth and it's teeth were so torn up that eating a normal diet was impossible. It had no choice other than to eat soft human flesh to survive. Jim eventually stopped hunting big game and devoted his time to conservation and environmental awareness. India renamed her first national park after him and there is even a tiger secondarily named after him called the Panthera tigris corbetti or Corbett's Tiger.
I learned a few things reading this article:

1) Cats suck.
2) Hunting them is vital to our survival.
3) Hippyism (the act or practice of being a dirty hippie) began in
4) The people of
relied way too much on their Army and should have been a little more proactive in getting rid of that damn killing machine.
5) Had Devin been the guy hunting these killer cats, we might all now be ruled by a race of savage, man-eating, giant tigers!

Friday, 9 May 2008

1st of many blogs to capture the 2008 DNF highlights

Will he finish?
That is the million dollar question and the only question that matters to those of us who have a deep following of our fellow friend Mr. Devin Does Not Finish. Check back for more results or not.