Here's to you Mr. Spandex Leg Shaver Register But Never Finish Bike Racer!

A Blog devoted to Devin's dream of finishing bike races.  In the DNF category Devin is always a winner.  Devin Now Finishes or Devin Never Finishes. DNF.

Sunday, 18 May 2008

In A World Of Uncertainty

In the beginning the earth was void of anything even remotely resembling the bike. Then on a cloudy, sunny, warm-cool day Baron Karl von Drais decided to change everything and give unto the world personal transportation. And just like that flimsy contraption did for mankind, the dandy horse known to us as Devin introduced me to pain and misery on Saturday.
I took my son to the race in Lakewood to watch what I was sure would be another opportunity for me me to point out a failure in racing. Instead I got sunburned, chased after Liam yelling "put down that cone" and "look out for the racers", and was introduced to the hell that is watching a 50 mile 3 lap race. So that was nice.
Liam loved it because he was able to chuck rocks, play with various bugs, and watch the kids race their version of the Tour de France sans steroids. Well I suspected this burley 7' three year old of being on something until his father assured me it was the results of a completely legal protein powder from GNC.

Devin's Race-
Lap 1:
They took off. I nearly missed this due to my aforementioned son and his penchant for chucking stones. 45 minutes or so later Devin came riding by looking like someone pissed in his protein shake (no, a different protein shake... have you even seen Devin?). Turns out he was just overheating.
Lap 2:
They kept going. About another 45 minutes later half of the racers were already past and no sign of Devin. I had shared a delicious BBQ chicken sandwich with Liam and was feeling rather like leaving to take a nap. (We had seen 3 races finish in the time it took these "grown-ups" to complete one lap. Should be paying the kids to ride especially Jr. Hefty von Proteinpowder.) We started walking toward the hill down to the car. We had to cross part of the race trail but before could get there, Devin decided to thwart our escape by tossing his nearly empty water bottle at us as he rode by. (Where did he even come from?) Liam made it his personal mission to hand the container back to Devin. Guess we are staying put.
Lap 3:
And on and on they raced. Could this be Devin? Nope, too fast. This one? Nope, too old. Ahhh... no. Too feminine. Too feminine??? That doesn't sound like me. How about too masculine... and it was a girl. Perfect. Anyway, just as I thought we were going to be treated to another classic DNF, I saw a bike begin it's slow motion decent (much like Chariot's of Fire without the horses) towards the rocky turn that had claimed so many racers that afternoon. I saw a figure pushing himself to the limits much like Cher's attempt to be a man. Like Corky from Life Goes On I saw the face of an angel... with Down's Syndrome. I saw no sign of my son, where the duce did he get off to... oh, "hey get back over here. You scare the hell out of me when you take off like that." I looked to again see Devin. This time he was coming around that perilous corner for he last 150' of trail. Why is his shirt open? He crossed the finish line smiling to my son and I with a look of triumph in his surely hung-over, bleary, Irish eyes.
He had done it. Despite the odds stacked against him by there being a race. Despite the evidence of the mobs of fans along the trail (why else would his shirt be half off?). Despite this blog, Devin had overcome his fear of finishing a race to come in some place between #1 and # last! Better luck next time, Devin.

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